The past week

Christmas was really fun. My entire family came over christmas eve to exchange inter family presents, and celebrate the festivities. It was quaint. I received a



for christmas, as well as in iPod Touch, and some other items, like clothing, and umbrellas. (I love umbrellas)
My extended family from china flew in from taipei on Thursday, and we went out to dinner at Mala in Wailea. It was amazing. They are all very friendly, so it isn't awkward or anything. Last night U'ilani and I went shopping, and bought some Chanel cosmetics, and some other fun stuff. I stayed out too late, but it was worth it. I'll post more later. xoxo

Christmas - So Soon.

OMG everyone. XMAS came so quickly this year. I can't believe it is just three days away. WOW.

This year really flew by. It was such an emotionally draining year, with numerous battles overcome, and many wars blown out of proportion. In the end, I view it that I am victorious. I am proud, and at the same time still unsatisfied. I feel that I have unfinished business with certain people, but I guess I am just going to have to move on from it. There is no way to turn back time. So I will settle for the way things are.

I am moving to a beautiful new city in eight days. I will update more as the times flow by.

xoxo

Winter 2008 Shopping List Necessities.

A progressive day.

I actually cleaned & rearranged my entire room today! Exciting. Well anyways here are photos of my (still more to be added) room's Christmas decorations.


A dressed up snowman on my Night Stand.


My fake Poinsettias & a Christmas toy on my Coffee table.




Christmas Candles, and a Christmas Vase, that I still have to get fresh flowers for.



Some Christmas Leave Lace & Britney Spears in honor of her comeback. (The Lace goes around the entire room.)





I took the time to color organize part of my closet!




Here is a diagram of what I based my room rearrangement to look like.



I will post my actual full room photos after my new window treatments and blinds are installed.

Lastly here is a random photobooth photo of me and my recently blinged out Voyager.


Have a great Saturday everyone. (:

Baby.

We've been through so much together
you showed me my all
and although were our own best kept secret
it has to end this way
you're the only one for me & i can finally admit it
I just cant go back to that life.

the temptation is more than I can bare, it's true
and your shit is THE BEST no comparison.

But you saw me at my lowest low,
and i lost control.

& now three months later, I am just getting my feet wet again.

The trauma was a lot to bear.

I will always love you
your Christmas card was post marked today.


Maybe someday we can find a place just for us. but until you quit the dope, that place isn't to be found in this lifetime.

Well I have made the decision to not return to NAU. I decided to withdraw from all classes that I had previously taken, and to not attend the University any longer. I am now considering moving to Las Vegas, Nevada, and Portland, Oregon. I have about a week to make up my mind on which University to attend, because tuition fees and boarding deposits are due by the end of the month. At first I have to admit I was (and still am) very disappointed with the turn out with NAU. I have a lot of good and bad memories in Flagstaff, and it's a shame for it to end on a somewhat sour note. On the other hand I am excited for a fresh start in an entirely new city, with completely new people. It's going to be really exciting wherever I choose, because I know that I will have no issues making friends. I will update later on where I choose to go, and where I will vacationing this winter!

Over it.

I was once again lied to yesterday by someone who I considered a friend. Not just any friend, but one that I have known since 7th grade. I don't feel hurt, but I was lied to RIGHT IN MY FACE. & I guess in a sense I feel a bit neglected, and perhaps angry...but I honestly don't want to waste my time. I am out of Maui in about 35 days, and my flight out of here couldn't come soon enough. Maui to me is one of the most beautiful places in the U.S. on the outside. However, the under 25 culture here is not beautiful at all. You have the rich snobs on drugs on one hand, and you have the tweaker street kids with little to no money on the other. A lot of the people here are hostile, and those who aren't are usually plastic. My old friends here were as fake as they come, and after this incident, I have finally cut off my very last tie. Good riddance, because I truly am much better off with a lack a conniving alcoholics in my life.

SPAGO DINNER.

I took a cab down to Wailea to meet a few people for what I thought would be somewhat like a reunion. When I got there, we all waited for two of the girls to return from the restroom, and we sat down at our table. The food was good, and we all chatted, took pictures, and reminisced on old times. After dinner, we walked over to the Grand's Pool area, and we had some Desert Pino Grigio. The entire night was worth it, and looking back I had a better time than I had expected.

Afternoon/Evening

I spent my afternoon on Big Beach with Cold Saki, and Gin & Soda. & about eight other close friends. MINI RAGE. I went swimming, talked story,and had a really amazing time. TANNING TIME. Loved it. Now I'm about to watch the Hills. :D

Sunday Night Photo

This was a photo taken of me on Sunday November 9th, after a night in Wailea.

Sunbathing.

My day was a miniature adventure. Battling with Strep Throat, I woke to a sore lining that made it difficult to swallow or eat breakfast. I ventured down to the Four Seasons beach, where I spent two hours basking in the sun, and catching the rays. I went for a quick ocean dip to cool off, before the paps came chasing various D-Listers around me, of which there were many. So I had a Mimosa, and walked over to the Shops for brunch. I then proceeded to the gym for a grueling two hours of Cardio. I was exhausted, but decided to go home for some more trampoline bounces and some stretching. A relaxing shower helped to calm me down, and rest my Palpitating heart. I had clinic in the afternoon, which was lifeless as usual. Shortly after arriving at home for the evening, I struggled through some mashed potatoes and broccoli; so I could absorb a bit of nutrience. Now I am at home for a quiet night, because I have my VIP phone appointment with my Collegiate Dean first thing tomorrow morning. I hope all goes well.

Ooh!

Guess what?
New Mobile Videos!
YouTube.com/MakzMidnightMobile

I will be posting videos from my phone several times daily!
Check my MySpace often for updates!

Since Then.

I have decided to go back to college!
I have made major changes in my attitude, and my goals in life, and I am going to make a go at it! I am returning to NAU, and I am going to pursue a Business career, and hopefully make something amazing with it! I have never been happier, and I am so excited for life! I am going to get my drivers permit tomorrow, which I am more than excited about. It's only taken me two years.....
YAY! Things are great, and I am the most satisfied with life that I've been in at least a year, if not more. Things are unfolding, and in January I will be back in Flagstaff, and that in itself is keeping me motivated to stay clean, poised, and focused.


On a separate note, I have started posting Mobile Videos on my myspace, and on youtube.com/makzmidnightmobile. Check multiple times daily for updates!

I hope you all have a great week! =)

Halloween

I'm not going to go deeply into Halloween. It was fun while it lasted, I guess. Of course it ended in Mayhem, Police, and Arrests....BUT THANKFULLY NOT ME! I was lucky enough to be able to present my case to the cops, and they let me take a cab home. I caused a scene all over Maui. I started at 3:00 in the afternoon until 4:00 A.M. I lost my phone and camera, but luckily my friend Marilyn has them. I have to go pick them up today or tomorrow. Unfortunately my mom got really pissed when I didn't come home at my "curfew" of 11:00. So she broke my MacBook Air in half. No kidding, I am fucking pissed. So for now I just have to use my old iMac to check my pages. :/
In the end, I still have to say that Halloween was worth all of the drama, because hey, you only live once! =]

Failed Pawn Shop Attempt.

I decided to try and sell my SLR cameras, and my Telephoto zoom lens to a pawn shop in Wailuku today. So I trekked on out there, and the lady offered me a thousand dollars for all three, and I was like "no way". She then told me that they buy the items for 30% of what they sell for on E-Bay. So I thought to myself, OH HELL NO! I am not going to lose fucking 70% of my cameras value to this damn pawn shop! Besides the fact that she carded me, and since I wasn't 18, she wouldn't let me sell it to my stuff to her anyway. So no I have to think of another way of cultivating Two Thousand dollars in the next week. Or else I won't be able to go on my vacation to Flagstaff! Grr.

Hello Flagstaff?

Some of you may think I am crazy, but I have decided to basically sell any excess electronics that I have, and move back to Flagstaff Arizona! I have no idea where I am going to live, or how I am going to survive there, but I figure that I can always stay in a sleazy hotel if worse comes to worse. I have various places I could stay, but I am trying to figure out a good living situation for a month, and then I will figure it out from there. I just can't live on Maui any longer. I hate it here, sooo much, that I can't stand even another few weeks on this goddamn rock.

Regret

Everyday I wake up miserable, and I go to sleep miserable.
I don't find very much interest in anything these days.
Maybe I am just going through a dark period, or maybe it's just because I'm on Maui.
I think it's safe to say that it's a mix of the two.
I would rather be intoxicated in Flagstaff, than sitting here watching The Hills.
The life I used to live is so vastly different than the way my life has been since the accident.
That OD changed everything, and I am not sure that things will ever be the same.
I think about how I could have had it all, and I let it slip away, each and every day.
It brings tiny tear drops to the corners of my eyes, and I try to refrain from bursting into hysteria.
There is nothing that I wouldn't give to get back my old life. The life that I once had, and the life that I dream of living again.
I don't know when, with what money, or how it's going to happen, but I need to go back to flagstaff. I have too much unfinished business in that town, and I can't put it past me this far down the line.

Intervention.

So I was watching the A&E show "Intervention" yesterday, and it really struck me in realizing just how sick these people-who struggle with depression, addiction, and recovery-truly are. In AA they make it seem so easy. "Just work the steps, and give yourself to god, and you'll sober up and be blissful". Well honey, it ain't that fucking easy. I heard a lady once say in a meeting that she was about three months sober, and yet she was feeling worse than ever before. Some of these people say that they finally reached a month sobriety, and they never felt better. Well I am officially 32 days since my incident, and I have never felt worse in my life. My days are spent in counseling, treatment, and clinics...and on the weekends, I usually go to the beach for a few hours, meet up with some old friends, and then come home around 10:00 at night, because I'm "not allowed out". Great, so I'm sober; but what is that doing for me if I am not even happy? I am a hedonist, and I have made it clear to everyone I know that my only goal in life is pleasure and happiness.

What makes not going back to the bottle so hard, isn't the elusivity of being drunk. I don't "live" for that feeling at all. It's almost like the instant escape from this miserable world for just a few hours, that always draws me in. Being pulled away from my friends, my lover, and the only sense of belonging that I've really ever known has been more than difficult; it's been painful. I feel like while I'm on Maui, there isn't much to live for. I don't like my family. I say it all the time, and although it sounds bitter - they are equally as bitter back to me. They've completely cut me off from their life - it's just that I'm this burden upon them until I turn 18....and then they can finally throw my sorry ass out the door.

The only thing that keeps me going in the morning is my hope for the future. With all my cooped up misery, I am still able to look forward and be optimistic about what is yet to come in my life. I know that the second I finally leave Maui, I will return to my old self. Blissful, jolly, and carefree. That's how I aspire to be, and how I want to live everyday of my existence. Unfortunately for me, I will just have to wait this one out...only two months of hell, left.

Update.

So I just did a photoshoot with C-Base, and it turned out great. You should all see the photos posted here, and on my MySpace very soon. As for everything else, I plan on making a few new videos regarding everything that has happened, and what my plans are for the future! I get a lot of messages asking where am I. Am I in Italy? Am I in NYC Am I in Prescott? Am I in San Fran? Am I in Honolulu? Well. If you read my blog, you would know that I am at home in Maui right now with my family. I plan on maybe doing a Live Justin.Tv show tomorrow (Thursday 10-23-07)
at 11:00 A.M. Hawai'i time, so 2:00 P.M. California, and 5:00 P.M. NYC. I hope a few of you are able to make it. :)
I will talk about everything that lies ahead of me, and of course what I plan to do with my life! I haven't really clued you all in on everything that has happened since August! Be there!